Getting out of an 8-Year Relationship

I feel like I started this year with a lot of stress. Too many things had happened in such little time and if 2020 really comes with the promise of something better, then I really can’t wait for this year to be over. Wait, not really. Because given all the hardships, hurdles, and heartbreak I had to go through the first half of the year, I feel like I have finally come to a point where I have nothing but good things to look forward to.

As the title says, I just got out of a long-term relationship. I’m not here to discuss the details about how it happened because I think break-ups are just messy no matter how much you try to get out unbruised and I don’t want to share any of that just yet or maybe ever. By now it has been over two months already since it happened and it’s finally time to talk about the things I have learned so far.

  1. You grow. Anyone who’s been through a break-up will know this but I just can’t emphasize it enough because we all grow differently. I, for one, am all about the future now. Yes, it took me this long to actually come to a point where all I can think about is what could happen tomorrow and whether I’m ready for it. It’s much easier now because I’m more flexible and have nobody else to worry about but myself.
  2. You finally have time. Of course, it’s your choice alone whether you want to spend all that time you have into binge-watching Netflix series all weekend or if you want to go out into the world, meet people or do just anything. Right now, I even have time to talk to all of my friends who are all far away. I really have enough time now to text them all day and our conversations are all (or at least most of them) meaningful because I have no distractions, no one else around me to have to pay attention to.
  3. You can fall back in love with yourself. All that love you had for the other person, use that to love yourself more. I know the relationship shouldn’t have come to a point where you started to love yourself less but there’s a reason why this post is about the lessons from “getting out of it”.
  4. You are more practical. I realized that since we were unknowingly unhappy, we compensated with unnecessary, temporary things. Right, maybe 80% of this blog’s content is about traveling and this isn’t really something I would so consider temporary but the standards we set may have gone a bit overboard. If one person wants to do something with their friends, the other one has to as well so they don’t feel bad, or find some other way to make up for it – which costs money. Or the goal of traveling to Spain yearly which we have done four years in a row – how hard was it for me to pass up on that this year? Not hard at all. And this goes for so many other things as well because the pressure of making the other person happy just isn’t there.
  5. You have to tell your loved ones and others. I learned this the hard way. I first told my best friend right after it happened and, days later, some of my other friends that I have been talking to more recently. That was the easy part. Telling my sister and my dad since I visited them a week later was a little more tricky because I felt that telling more people about it just made it official and I guess I wasn’t quite ready for that yet. A little more than a month later, I finally told my mother and other family members. From that point on I knew there was no going back because I told myself I will not have them go through that again. Then one morning while I was running late for work, I realized that I have to tell at least my immediate superior about it as well. I am alone in this city and if I for some reason disappear one day, my coworkers are the first ones who will notice. It’s something I never had to worry about in my life ever but I guess this is life for me now. There’s no shame in being alone, really, but you’ve got to think about your safety as well.

I am sure there are many other things worth mentioning but I’ll just leave these here for now. I swear, I’m doing fine and I am excited about all the possibilities this single life has to offer. ❤

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